Your freedom to be fabulous begins in your unconscious mind, where everything that has been holding you back is buried within the recesses of your past. So, what do you do? You need to learn how to dissolve those unconscious beliefs that are creating those prison bars that are depriving you of your freedom, and it’s not nearly as difficult as you might imagine. In fact, that’s why Jim and I created our “Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous” program; so that you can move through that process quickly and easily.

So, what you need to do is go deeper, into the unconscious, where what has been really holding you back is there waiting for you but it’s now hidden. So, doing that work is difficult to do alone. You need a program that will show you why positive thinking is not enough, a program that will help you explore, discover and uproot the real issues that have been holding you back.

But what’s holding them back – what’s standing in the way – has nothing to do with the outside world. In fact, it has everything to do with their lack of internal permission and it’s that lack of permission that is creating all that hold-back.

So, when you overcome your fear of being fabulous, you will open up the possibilities in your life that have not been available nor allowed by you in your life. And so, we encourage you to explore overcoming your fear of being fabulous.

Another reason that people are afraid of money is, they’ve bought in to that long-used quote that money is the root of all evil. But the fact is, it’s a Biblical quote and the actual quote is, “It’s the love of money that is the root of all evil.” So, just be aware that you don’t want to fall madly in love with money because that will cause problems.

Now, so what are you going to do about this? Well, one thing is, you need to integrate money into your life so that you use money and it doesn’t use you. And if you’re afraid of money, then it’s important that you dig into your unconscious and look for those fears and those beliefs that are holding you back from money because that’s the only way you can accumulate it and even more of it and enjoy it while you’re doing so.

We assure you that the idea of failure is not real because there is no such thing as failure. Think about it. You’re always succeeding. The question is, at what? Now, you may have heard us mention our program, “Overcoming the Fear of Being Fabulous.” As part of that program, you will learn just how failure is an illusion and with that insight, your whole life will open up to new possibilities of support and guidance and self-esteem and success, guaranteed.

So, if you want to create and sustain a really good relationship, it doesn’t have to be a mystery and it is not magical, and here’s the key. Relationship failure is a successful case of resistance. It’s resisting, and the resistance arises from the images in your unconscious that are not very good and what you don’t know, which could be supported but isn’t. And now, relationships are not automatic. They don’t fall out of the sky fully formed. You have to build your relationship, just like anything else.

So, if you know that you have a pattern of relationship failure, please recognize that that’s coming somewhere from your unconscious and we encourage you to explore what’s holding you back deep in your unconscious.

A lot of people have a fear of wealth. They are afraid of becoming wealthy and there’s some good reasons for it. For example, some of the images we have of those who are wealthy. Think about King Midas. He had the golden touch. Whatever he touched turned to gold, but it left him isolated and lonely. And then, Scrooge on Christmas – he was so mean and bitter. And then Wall Street with their sociopathic need and greed for money leaves them uncaring and rapacious. So, people have a fear of wealth because all the images are mean, untrusting, rapacious, greedy. Why would you want to change your identity in that direction?

But there are so many advantages to you when you can integrate some measure of wealth into your lifestyle. You never have to worry about your survival needs ever again. You can support your family. You can support people that you love and when you don’t have to worry about your survival needs, then you can focus on your intellectual, your emotional and your spiritual growth and develop your life in a way that is far more satisfying. So, we really encourage you to integrate wealth into your identity as part of your integrity and your generosity to yourself and to others.

After the initial rush of romance fades, many people believe there is something wrong with their relationship. They have never been taught that the unavoidable fade is simply a signal telling them that a stage in their relationship is coming to an end. Instead of using this time to consider where they have been together, who they are now and what’s next for them, they either leave or they collapse into despair. They become prisoners of the question, “Is this all there is?”

In a fully committed, spiritually alive relationship, change and transcendence are the foods for the soul that nourish how you live with and treat each other. You know and accept that what you have at any given time can only carry you so far. When change begins, you can remain sensitive to the signals. Rather than panic, you can treat what is happening as an exciting, normal life process. You can let go and open yourselves to whatever is coming. That way, during your life together, you can transcend your relationship, renewing it any number of times. That’s a fundamental aspect of the new intimacy, what we call serial monogamy with the same person.

We have had three major transitions in the ten years we’ve been together. The first had to do with the development of the business we formed when we first met. Soon thereafter we both realized that what we had learned about love and intimacy before we met was not enough for who we had become together. We had to let go of a number of beliefs we had depended upon and explore new and more fulfilling ways to live together. The third transition began when we started writing this book. We welcome the changes to come, because they assure us our love is alive, that who we are is evolving and that we are not stagnant or stunted or boring.

We know a couple, both in their seventies who have been married for thirty years. On the twenty-ninth of every month, they set aside time to do what they call “renegotiating our relationship.” When they were first together, they used their negotiating time to determine if what they had was still working. Through the years they have expressed appreciation and delight with one another, as well as their complaints and desires for change. Now they continue to use their ritual to celebrate one another and express joy at simply being together.

The idea of serial monogamy with the same person, having a number of different relationships with your spouse, embodies both change and stability. It allows a relationship the room to grow, to peak and subside and transcend, giving way to the freshness of whatever follows.

• You can change how you think and perceive!
• You can change how you feel and respond!
• You can change how you experience your partner!
• You can change how you experience yourself!

In fact, this power you have is so great that when you change your mind, you change who you are, and how you relate — forever.

CONSCIOUS CREATIVITY

Conscious Creativity is the key process for creating the new intimacy. It provides you the opportunity to significantly change your consciousness and enhance your capacity for relationship, especially in fundamental areas like the Three Cs. Conscious Creativity can also prepare you to live in the growing global village where the challenge of personal and cultural differences confronts us all.

The Problem

You know how sometimes it seems almost impossible to understand or feel any connection to another person’s experience? That’s true for both joys and difficulties, isn’t it? And it is even more of a problem when you’re stuck in a conflict.

Rather than using conflict to learn about yourself and your partner, you suppress your own needs and wants in order to keep the peace. Or, you overpower your partner in a desperate attempt to get your own way. Such maneuvers do little more than just further fuel the conflict.

Those are not your only choices. Through Conscious Creativity we’ll show you how to change your mind and relate in a manner that supports your love, especially during conflict.

How Conscious Creativity Works

Conscious Creativity is a simple, deeply spiritual process that specifically helps you to expand your awareness so you can recognize and respect your partner’s different point of view while simultaneously recognizing and respecting your own.

Most importantly, you and your partner will be able to understand and appreciate both sides of your conflicts so you can openly participate together in reaching mutually acceptable and beneficial resolutions that inspire growth and healing and in which neither of you suffers any loss.

What Are The Rewards?

Couples have told us time and again that when they use Conscious Creativity, they discover the magic inherent in their differences. They come to really know one another and
learn to love each other for who they both actually are — even in relationships that were careening toward failure.

The Promise

When you use Conscious Creativity to address any disagreement or difficulty, you can be assured that you will reap the emotional and spiritual benefits of this balanced, inclusive approach. You will neither betray your own needs or those of your partner. You will expand in consciousness by learning more about emotional responses to a situation that are different from your own. You will enlist and direct your compassion and creativity to arrive at a resolution — one in which no one loses. In fact, through the process you both are made more whole.

To become adept at Conscious Creativity will require practice, taking it step by step each time, to learn the process by heart. But you will know that approaching any issue, especially a conflict, using this method will be an illuminating, healing and spiritually enriching experience.

That is the promise of Conscious Creativity.

One of the most profound dangers of the beginning of a relationship is that its powerful passions incite people to make rash sexual decisions out of swept-away giddiness. They have sex and they ask about birth control after the fact only to discover — oops! — there wasn’t any. Or they find out relevant details of each other’s sexual history months later and –oops! there’s a threat of AIDS. Or they stopped just short of intercourse because they believed only intercourse is truly sex and then—oops! reputations are smeared and trust is violated. Or she thought sex meant marriage and he thought sex meant sex. Oops!

We’re not preaching abstinence. That’s not the point. We are suggesting that the heat at the beginning of love can go hand in hand with wisdom when you remember that you’re just at the beginning. There’s so much more. No need to rush into bed, and certainly not without a few serious conversations about the kinds of issues we mention above. Then, while your exuberant sexual desire that longs to make its way to bed has to wait a bit, you are opened to a kind of intimate and romantic discovery you hadn’t expected or imagined.

Yes, there are some couples who have sex on the first date, move in together after a week and get married in a month. Some of them make it and have truly great relationships. But they are rare. Most often, decisions made under the spell of fiery pleasure and passion lead only to heartbreak, and disillusionment with love and marriage.

It Will Never Change

Because of the intensity of the beginning, you may have decided that your lover is your soulmate and your relationship will never change. That’s impossible. Love grows and you have to grow with it. Love is a living energy. You must yield to love, not the other way around.

It’s Effortless

If you believe that love is and should remain effortless, you cut yourself out of the picture and remain a child for whom everything will be provided. Love requires conscious and steady care and attention. If you want love, you must participate.

Playing Games

You can’t play games with love. It will not be trivialized and disrespected. You are given the beginning vision of what is possible to introduce you to what a stable, secure relationship can be and what you have to do to attain it. But because of all the games prompted by the enormous insecurity within and between men and women, for too many couples their love never unfolds.

Pretend You’re Alike

Love can only show up for a real Self. Period. That’s why it’s important to relate to the differences between you—paving the way for the deepest love possible. If you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, you will not only miss out on the kind of love that would be meaningful to you, but you’ll remain alone with your puppet self that no longer has an audience.

Sentimentality

It’s so easy to fall in love with the idea of being in love. We become involved with our images of the other person and our notions of what we believe our relationship should be, rather than the reality of what’s going on. We are caught up inside our own heads and manufacture emotions that are often very intense but have little, if any, connection with the one we say is so wonderful.

When Tom met Rachel, he knew she’d finally found the relationship he was looking for. At least, that’s how he described it when he called in to talk with us when we were on a late-night radio show. He went on to say that he gave Rachel the key to his place on their second date, had a formal photo portrait taken on the first-month anniversary of their meeting, and lavished Rachel with gifts.

Tom was in heaven, until Rachel suddenly announced that she felt hemmed in by his attentions and possessiveness, and broke it off. Tom was shocked and devastated.

Those who are in love with love are trapped in a pattern of failure. Why? Because, like Tom, they are involved solely with themselves.